I’m recovering from bulimia

There is a Solution.  There is Hope.

I have not binged or purged in over 65 days. That is a Miracle,because I believed I was doomed to live life as an active bulimic forever.   At my heaviest I was 153 1/2 and at my lightest 111. I wore sizes 16 to 3. My first diet was at age 12
My bulimia started as a way to control my weight. I thought I had found the solution to my weight problems,I could eat what I wanted,as much as I wanted and all I had to do was vomit it all up,exercise like mad and abuse laxatives. Eventually bulimia controlled my life and my life became a living hell. I hated myself. I lived in a self imposed prison for 13 years. My life revolved around binging and purging. I was obsessed with food. And as much as I hated binging I couldn’t stop and then once I binged I became obsessed with getting rid of it
I have had a few weeks here and there without binging and purging but it was always a struggle.
This past October,after being without electricity when Wilma hit I lost it. For about 3 1/2 months I binged and purged every day up to 3 to 4 times a day. There was nothing anybody could do to stop me,my fiancé could not say anything,If he would have given me an ultimatum I had made up my mind that I would choose bulimia. And I truly believed that GOD could not relieve me of my obsession with foodWell,I have been attending OA for a little over a year now and for the first 10 months I sat back quietly,listened,watched people get their chips and felt sorry for myself. They just don’t understand.   In the beginning of February this year I decided it was time I do something. I got the courage to ask someone to sponsor me and my life started to change. I became willing and open to suggestions and to do the work.   Today,I talk to my sponsor on a daily basis,do a lot of writing whether it be journaling or writing to GOD. I used to hate writing but it has helped me so much,now I am afraid to stop. I am currently doing the 30 questions and  I am learning so much through my answers. I have a commitment to my OA home group

I weigh and measure my food. And I swore I would never weigh or measure my food again,my sponsor did not push me to do it either. But I realized if I don’t have a plan and left to my own devices I will binge on any kind of food healthy or not and then I will purge. This is another way to keep my sanity. Additionally,I know being bulimic I will probably gain weight when I first start to keep food down. But I didn’t I actually lost and I attribute that to weighing my food.
I also made a change in my relationship with my fiancé,which was very painful at first. I felt like I needed more time for myself to be by myself in order to concentrate on my recovery. We spent a lot of time together and I had to ask to only see him on the weekends. He didn’t understand why at first and I had to keep explaining that it has nothing to do with him and I do not want to break up with him,but that I need quiet time to myself to journal,talk to my sponsor,do my OA assignments and read
For the first time in my life I feel like I am honoring myself and following through by being committed to myself. I have tried it my way for many years,I have been impatient,I have attended countless intensive outpatient programs,have had tons of therapy and rehashed the same crap over and over,I even went back to school to get my Masters and got sicker and I have tried just about every diet there is. Nothing worked
I searched everywhere for the solution except for in the program of OA. I had to be totally beaten down by my bulimia in order for me to become willing.